What We Should Be Teaching Our Sons

The last 3 weeks have been a bit busy for me so I haven’t had a chance to update as much as I’d like. Having said that, there’s not too much going on right now other than us deciding to do homeschooling, pending enrollment as of today.

On the pregnancy front, Sarah’s now nearly in her 12th week and everything seems to be going well. Her current complaints ~ tiredness and heartburn; having said that, I also notice that she’s at the beginning of her “blooming” phase. She looks especially beautiful to me if that’s even possible. The mood swings have lessened a little, too {whew!}.

At the moment, the biggest problem has been the stress brought on by the father-to-be. There are times when I feel like throttling him in the hopes that it would somehow knock some sense into him. Unfortunately, I’m no stranger to such a dynamic, when it comes to “other” father figures I’ve known {including mine, my daughter’s, the fathers of close friends}. The drama with him has inspired me to think about what we should be teaching all boys to make them better men and fathers. {I have advice for girls, too; maybe that’ll be my next post.}

If I had my way, it would be mandatory for all boys to go through more than just a basic “informational” sex education class; they would be required to attend an intense course {on ALL aspects of being a father} from the instant they’re capable of fathering a child. It would be the “realest”, most “in-your-face” class ever, because…well, why shouldn’t it be? The following points would be drummed in their skulls until they “got” them.

  1. Before you even THINK of having sex with that girl you’re so “attracted to”, STOP and fucking think about being bound to her for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. If you create a life with her, it doesn’t matter what the outcome of the situation turns out to be, you WILL have her etched in your mind forever ~ she will always be the mother of your child {whether you decide to keep or give up for adoption} or the woman who’s a painful reminder of the child that might have been {if you opt for an abortion}. Is sex based on attraction really worth it? No.
  2. It will NOT be “only” her fault if she gets pregnant. It takes TWO people to make a baby and thinking that the only outcome is YOUR pleasure is stupid and irresponsible. Nobody forces you to have sex and it takes a bit of work to produce the necessary ingredient that makes pregnancy possible. It’s not an “accident” and every form of birth control at your disposal is NOT 100% effective. If you think that “pulling out” prevents pregnancy, do me a favor and find the nearest person and ask them to beat some sense into you. The bottom line is, when you have sex, it’s as much your decision as it is hers, so don’t blame her if there are repercussions.
  3. Once the sex part is over, you don’t get to step back and pretend it’s not your problem. Like it or not, you’re in it. Period. Man up and support her through it all. You were there for the “good” part; fucking be there for the rest of it. Anything less is UNACCEPTABLE.

And if, somehow, the result is pregnancy:

  1. Keep calm. Getting hysterical doesn’t help anyone.
  2. Wait until things settle down before discussing options. Important decisions from an emotional state of mind is NEVER a good thing.
  3. Give her some space, if necessary, but ALWAYS be available to her for support.
  4. NEVER pressure for an abortion. Even if YOU are okay with it, she’s the one who has to go through it and live with that decision for the rest of her life. Additionally, you NEVER know how you will feel once you can’t “undo” what’s done. The pain that stems from it is unfixable by you or anyone else.
  5. Try to come to a mutual decision together and once it’s made, commit to it and support each other through it.
  6. Recognize that she is more afraid than you are because no matter what happens, she has to go through everything, regardless of your involvement. She doesn’t have the option to walk away.
  7. Remember that it’s no longer just about the two of you or your drama/agenda. Regardless of the quality of your relationship, the baby becomes PRIORITY NUMBER ONE. Leave the game playing out of it because you don’t get to be “young and carefree” anymore. You’ve done a grown-up thing, you’ve gotten into a grown-up situation and so it’s time for YOU to GROW UP.
  8. You have a responsibility to your unborn child and its mother and, with that responsibility must come a willingness to do whatever it takes to make sure they’re both safe, secure, happy, stress-free, healthy and provided for. Be the hero they both deserve to have.
  9. DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT…{and in case you didn’t get it the first four times I said it} DO NOT create stress for the mother of your child. Her serenity and calmness are paramount to the baby’s development. Her body is working hard and under enough pressure without unnecessary stress. Furthermore, she is carrying YOUR child, which will affect her in every aspect ~ emotionally, physically, financially, professionally, socially.
  10. Don’t wonder how you’re going to provide. Man up and do whatever.
  11. Other girls showing an interest in you? They deserve full disclosure. If you’re anything but honest about what’s going on with you, shame on you. “I’m an expectant father and I have a bond with the mother of my child for the rest of my life. I am going to be a father to my baby.” Any girl with an ounce of sense will bow out gracefully and leave you to it {more like run a mile in the opposite direction, but whatever}.
  12. One of the biggest lessons you must learn {as well as teach by example} is this: There are strings attached, reactions, consequences and/or conditions to everything you do. It takes a great deal of maturity to own your part in anything that you create or cause. There is no “reset button” or “easy way out”. You can’t close your eyes to your responsibility in the hopes that it’ll just go away because it won’t. If you’re responsible for a new life, it’s a huge, life-changing thing which affects everyone around you. For your parents and grandparents, it means a grandchild and a continuation of their legacy; for your siblings, aunts, and uncles, it means a {grand-niece/nephew}. Whatever you and the mother of your child decide, it ultimately affects everyone, but only you and she have to live with whatever decision is made.
  13. Finally, what you have to remember is this: Always consider the bigger picture. Creating a new life isn’t a tragedy or a curse. It’s not the “end of the world”, nor does it mean that your lives are ruined. It won’t make things easier, but it also won’t make things impossible. Determination goes a long way. Parenthood is the most challenging thing you’ll ever do…but you’ll also find that it’s the most rewarding.

What would you add to this list? If you’re in this situation and dealing with similar drama, how are you handling it?

Until next time…

babyfeeticons

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17 thoughts on “What We Should Be Teaching Our Sons

    1. I’m glad you dropped by and took the time to comment, but I’m so sorry you experienced that. If there’s ever anything I can do, please let me know.

      Additionally, I would like to let you know about a great blogging group I have on FB, if you’re interested in joining. We are a friendly bunch who will gladly help others grow their blogs and offer valuable feedback. We would love for you to join if you’re interested. facebook.com/groups/cafeblog

      Take care and keep in touch! {hugs}

      Like

    1. Thank you,Hil, for dropping by and taking the time to comment. I will check out your link up! It sounds like a fun way to find awesome people in the blogosphere. 🙂 {hugs}

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  1. As a mom of two young boys this hits home. Luckily I think I have a few more years before we have to have this talk, but it’s never too early for me to start thinking about the type of men I hope they will be. Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for dropping by. I agree, it’s never too early.

      When I was a teen, sex education was extremely limited to the biological aspects of how our bodies change, but it’s so much more than that. Parents can’t afford to shy away from having frank discussions with their children about the repercussions of having sex way before they’re ready. As far as I’m concerned, it boils down to 2 choices ~ the embarrassment of talking about sex as a preventative measure or the reality of pregnancy that must be “dealt with” later on.

      The latter is my reality now and I created this blog to help others avoid it, if at all possible.

      I hope you’ll continue to visit. It’s great to “meet” you. 😀

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  2. I don’t have kids but as a women who has had some tough times in dating it is so true these are lessons that sons should be learning. Girls are always taught to protect themselves and not have sex or they get pregnant but boys just kind of get the “use a condom” because let’s be honest, teenage fathers don’t get shammed the way teenage mothers do. This is such a great and honest post thanks for sharing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for dropping by and taking the time to comment. 🙂

      In my dating experience, I was shocked by how many grown men didn’t seem to care about the possibility of getting someone pregnant. It’s a scary world out there…and this is precisely why education is so important.

      Please continue to visit!

      Happy New Year!

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  3. We’ve been teaching “sex ed” in schools for decades now. How is it that kids still don’t get the reality of the situation? Are we overprotective of their feelings and keeping this kind of raw reality from them?

    I think so. There is a lot more that could be said in the self-discipline and don’t be selfish categories.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I would add “Treat her the way YOU want to be treated”. That was the golden rule I taught my two sons (and daughter) when they were growing up. I’ve also told my sons if I ever found out you touched a woman/girl in violence, I would basically make you wish you had never been born. Above all. Respect. It isn’t easy to raise children–it is a job that never ends. Another thing I taught my sons was that “you aren’t the only person on this earth. Everyone will NOT like you. You will have to get over that”. Honestly Carol, I could go on and on and on with this subject. But I so agree with all you say. Boys have to learn to grow up to be men who have to be responsible for their actions. The need to put selfishness aside for those they love. Their own father is a shit. He is a drunk and an immature man who never looked outside of his personal bubble. Although we are cordial I will never forget the hurt he cause his children. His parents did NOT teach him well…. That being said, your daughter is very very lucky to have you as a mom and if the young man who is the father doesn’t fulfill his obligations, she can move through life with a strong support system from a strong mother! XOXOXO!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love your approach to parenthood! I have said the same thing to my son ~ that I’d better not ever hear that he’s mistreated a gf, but he knows what I’ve been through and he’s very sensitive about how he treats people.

      I think there’s really not much hope of my daughter receiving support from the father of her baby, but you’re right ~ she can do this with the love and support of the friends and family who do care. ❤

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