How to Recover From Hearing Your Teen Say “I’m Pregnant”

“I’m pregnant.”

As much as I hoped and prayed that I’d never hear my daughter utter those two words…I did, only a few weeks ago. Inwardly, I screamed, “Nooooooo!” but, even so, I remained strangely calm and, for that, I’m glad. Of course, I felt tempted to react hysterically {“What the HELL were you thinking?!!!”}. I admit that I questioned her about why she hadn’t even considered the “morning after pill”. She muttered something like, “It costs fifty dollars”; I’m sure the irony of her statement wasn’t lost on her, but I responded with, “Compared to what raising a child costs, I’d say that’s pretty reasonable!” anyway.

Over the days that followed, we had many discussions about options. My daughter asked me what I would do and I was reluctant to answer for fear that she would feel influenced by my response. As far as I’m concerned, the decision is ultimately hers to make and whatever she decides, I pledge my support without judgment. I made sure she knows that I love her no matter what because it’s important to reassure her that, regardless of the mistakes she makes, she knows I have her back. My response to her question: “I would keep the baby” and then I explained why ~ because I couldn’t live with knowing my child was “out there”, calling someone else “Mum”.

During the course of our many conversations, I had a lot of opportunities to talk and told her that:

  • …I would be 1000% behind whatever decision she made, regarding her baby. I hastened to add that if she decided to have the baby and raise him or her, I would support her and help as much as possible…BUT I would not raise her baby for her. I told her the truth ~ that it was going to be difficult, but that deciding to raise her baby would require her {and the father} to accept responsibility.
  • …she has nothing to feel ashamed of because these things happen. Many times during recent months, I told her that when she makes a choice about anything, she must also expect to live with the consequence{s} of those choices and that sometimes, it takes years to find that what seemed like a good idea at the time wasn’t really the best idea after all.
  • …there are no guarantees even in the best of situations. I don’t condone what she did but when one gets married and has children within a committed relationship, there’s still a chance of that situation devolving.
  • …that what she faces will be one of the most difficult things she’ll ever experience, but with the right attitude, it will also be one of the most rewarding.

Because I didn’t freak out, become hysterical, overreact, our relationship has improved greatly. We have had a great deal of healing to do but we’ve come a long way in the 2+ years since she moved to the U.S. What I have to accept is that my role has changed {which is normal under any circumstances}. We mothers adapt to our children’s changing needs all the time; with every age comes a brand new set of challenges.

Right now, my priority is to see my daughter through her pregnancy and help her to make a smooth transition to motherhood. Regardless of what I ~ or anyone else ~ think{s} about the current situation, it doesn’t change the fact that there’s a baby on the way and that baby ~ my Grandbean ~ deserves the best care we can give him/her.

I recall the “a-ha moment” I had when my son was born 23 years ago; it was the precise moment they placed my newborn son in my arms that all of my mother’s decisions, reasons for doing the things she did, choices she made in taking care of me…all made perfect sense. When a new mother looks down at the angelic face of her baby, she gains that sense of protective, unconditional love for her child and a new respect for her own mother. She gains a new understanding of the way the nurturing, maternal mindset works. Once she experiences that ultimate understanding, it changes the dynamic for a better mother/daughter relationship that will undoubtedly evolve in a new direction ~ embracing the alliance of motherhood.


2 thoughts on “How to Recover From Hearing Your Teen Say “I’m Pregnant”

  1. My oldest son recently gave me a card, hand written in the corner was a personal note from him, telling me that “now he understands just what it took for me to be a good mother” and how much he “can appreciate me in a whole new way since the birth of his son” It was a lovely card 😊 and those words meant soooo much to me!! Now I have to wait for
    my younger son to come around haha.
    Good article Carol

    Liked by 1 person

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