The Window

The Window

All that separated me from the rest of the world was the window.

Although everyone could still see me and I could see them, what they saw was an illusion. To everyone who saw me through the window, I appeared happy…and there was no need to question their view of me. The barrier {between them and me} was controlled by the one who held me prisoner. He carefully crafted the facade we hid behind so that whatever happened on our side of the window was not what the rest of the world saw.

The window hid my pain very well even though I didn’t want it to. When the rest of the world saw me smiling, they didn’t know I was pretending. They didn’t know that the real me ceased to exist, that what they were looking at was the idealized version of myself that he demanded I be.

He effortlessly manipulated it all, fooling everyone who knew us. He took great care in making sure nobody saw the truth. He charmed everyone into thinking I was lucky to be with him; who would believe me if I’d said otherwise? He showed me off as a mere possession, proud of his handiwork. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t recognize myself; my identity gradually slipped away as the years passed. Who was that woman? Why did nobody see my sadness? It was right there in my eyes. The window distorted the horrible truth of what my life had become.

The window, like the door, has the power to isolate; the difference is that the door hides the physical evidence of abuse ~ the cuts, bruises, black eye, fat lip. The door can lock someone away completely until the marks go away. The window only served as a transparent barrier, but the strength of its glass was solely dependent upon his ability to keep me in a weakened state. As long as I lacked strength, determination, confidence, and courage, I would never feel empowered enough to shatter the window before it became a door.

Pain is not always a bad thing. If experienced often or long enough it becomes a catalyst for action and/or change. I eventually stepped out from behind the window a survivor. Not only was I strong enough to shatter the window, I made a vow to myself to avoid ever being put in that place again…

…and to walk away from anyone who tries.

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34 thoughts on “The Window

      1. I’m finding the assignments extremely challenging. No wonder my muse abandoned me. lol

        I’m trying to approach every assignment from a less obvious angle. It worked for my last post. Tonight’s Twitter inspiration is scarce. I’m tempted to find another quote but keep thinking I should really challenge myself by sticking to the prompts given by the course. After all, isn’t being challenged to overcome writer’s block the whole point of the course? 🙂

        I hope your “catch up” goes smoothly. 🙂

        {Hugs}

        Like

    1. Thank you, Jan! I’m so glad you stopped by and took the time to comment. It was a difficult assignment because I was torn between two pictures (the other one being the night cityscape), with no inspiration for either. Fortunately, my muse came through for me again.

      I’ve followed your blog. Nice to “meet” you. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much for stopping by and posting such a kind comment.

      I think this course will give me the opportunity to look for the less obvious ways to do an assignment. I think it’s important to explore the angles and possibilities.

      I also love reading posts from my fellow classmates because I get to see their interpretation of the assignments and learn new perspectives as a result.

      I hope you’re enjoying this course as much as I am. It’s challenging, but I expected nothing less. And the people are awesome.

      {Hugs}

      Like

      1. You’re welcome. It’s lovely to look into some other person’s angle and enjoy their insight. It’s both entertaining and enlightening. I’m absolutely loving this course and look forward to learning more from you all. Have a nice day, Emma.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree…for years I wasn’t myself because of the pain, stress and sleep deprivation. When {the person I’m referring to in this post} passed away in early 2013, I felt a sense of relief. I don’t wish death upon anyone, but at least I can heal from the existing pain without the worry of more pain.

      Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment.

      {Hugs}

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I totally understand the feeling. I haven’t been through just what you’re referring to, but the person who caused my pain, I don’t know where he is right now, though I can guess. I think of myself as a very kind person, but I do sometimes wish him dead – though I imagine I’d feel guilty for those thoughts if he did die…In any case there is a healing that can come from knowing he can’t hurt you anymore.Hugs to you as well.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your kind comment. Writing about my experiences is draining, but cathartic. I write to help others in similar situations because I believe it’s my purpose. 🙂

      I hope you enjoyed your weekend and hope that you continue to visit.

      Kindest Regards,
      Carol

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    1. Thank you for dropping by and taking the time to comment! I hope you continue to visit.

      I dropped by your website and plan to visit more. It’s lovely to meet you. 🙂

      {Hugs}
      Carol

      Like

  1. I really must spend more time going through your blogs. This was an incredible post. It made me sad to read this. Sad for your own story, but also for all those windows looking in that I see daily. Thinking how many similar stories are contained within those windows. I know this was difficult, and I know it is cathartic for you. Thank you for sharing this

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    1. Thank you, Robert. I write so that others can relate and know they’re not alone. I, too, wonder how many others are imprisoned by invisible bars. If I can give them a small glimmer of hope, it makes what I do worthwhile.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Beautifully written my love. I’m still surprised when I read what you went through and I become very sad. You’re such a sweet, genuine, beautiful person who didn’t deserve what happened to you.

    I’m happy that you have overcome the abuse you dealt with and can laugh and smile again.

    I love you very much,

    Chris

    Liked by 1 person

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