Ray of Hope

“Be the one who nurtures and builds. Be the one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart, one who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them.” ~ Marvin J. Ashton

A little over 5 years ago, I lived in a house on the other side of the world. For many years, people assumed I lived an enviable life. People were forever coming up to me, telling me how lucky I was to have what I had. From the outside, our house looked like any other house on our street. From the inside, the view was far different than anyone imagined.

I saw bars on my windows, symbolically speaking. My existence in that house felt like being imprisoned, the isolation unbearable most of the time. Although I could venture out of my house, I felt like there was an invisible chain that prevented me from having my own mind, my own life. Contact with the few friends I had was very limited because my ex-husband did his best to convince me that I was better off without them.

Even in places like the school playground, I lacked the confidence to properly talk to the other parents as we brought our kiddos to/from school. It’s not that I didn’t talk…I felt severely limited as far as socializing went. Small talk (which, as an introvert, I hate), conversations about the school, the kids, the functions, birthday parties, sleep-overs, playdates ~ all good. More personal conversations, socializing away from the school ~ not so much. I managed to steer clear of anything that sounded like an invitation because it was easier than finding an excuse. My ex-husband was not a social person, apart from the afternoon teas with his parents and {occasionally} his sister or a mix of other relatives. He didn’t like sharing me with anyone and made it so that it was never an option.

How did I survive so many years in that oppressive environment? How does anyone? How many people are there out there who {for whatever reason} feel imprisoned in their homes? How many look out their windows, with the invisible bars, watching rest of the world live their lives and wishing for the freedom to join in?

I know how it feels to wish that someone would reach out to me and offer the hand of friendship, despite the circumstances. I know what it’s like to lose the freedom to be a part of a strong, supportive social network. I lived for years without the comfort of a hug or an assuring hand squeeze, letting me know I wasn’t alone.

With the memories of those experiences still somewhat fresh in my mind, I’m reaching out to those who find themselves in similar situations. I know just how daunting a task it is to step out from behind that which confines us. I have this wonderful platform which allows me to share relatable experiences in the hopes that I’ll strike a chord with someone reading. I want to reach out to those who may be looking for someone who’s supportive, understanding and who can offer comfort precisely when they need it. There’s a certain feeling of relief when we find someone willing to offer us a small ray of hope that grows over time. It’s important to grab onto the hand reaching out to us because we deserve something better than what we have.

If you’re reading this, do you feel that ray of hope?

Here’s my hand.


9 thoughts on “Ray of Hope

  1. Carol, I am so sorry for your past experiences! I thankfully have never had to live through something like that…but I appreciate that many people do. I am so grateful you found a way out…and that you are a strong and brave woman, who deserves much, much more! Thank you for sharing your story…and I hope it will touch others and give them the strength needed to change their circumstances.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad you never experienced such a situation. In some ways, I feel like my experiences benefitted me. Maybe when we have some time, I’ll explain in chat. Just some comparisons, based on observations. Thanks for your comments! {Hugs}

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Danielle! I am enjoying the freedom, but it’s been a long process and I still suffer from PTSD. Episodes don’t happen a lot, but when they do, it takes me a bit to recover.

      I thank you for your kind words. {hugs}

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I often think about this…that notion of what goes on in that house. Who are the people? What do they think and feel? Its hard because sometimes you fear it may not be so great. I would reach out my hand to anyone. It may be a small gesture but the world runs (or should) on small gestures

    Liked by 1 person

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