Some say “friendzone” like it’s a negative thing.
I have always been a non-conformist, refusing to adhere to the thoughts, opinions, feelings, beliefs of the majority. I’m starting to wonder if the negativity surrounding being “friendzoned” is part of the reason relationships fail. A man I met earlier this year actually asked me, “So, am I DOOMED to be your friend forever or can we date?” Yes, he used the word “doomed”. Is that really what people think of friendship when they’re interested in more?
Friendship is an essential element in stable romantic relationships. How else can two people get to know each other, if their only focus is on the honeymoon period of a romance? I don’t disagree that it’s an exciting period; but what happens when the honeymoon period fades, followed by the realization that there’s no common ground to sustain a long-term relationship? I wouldn’t even consider dating anyone I didn’t consider a friend first. I think that many would find “dating” a lot easier if the focus wasn’t on dating; I also believe that we must stop thinking that there’s negativity in being single. The mentality that one must be in a relationship adds more pressure to be involved, regardless of the quality of the relationship.
One of the biggest realizations I made in recent years is that finding my identity was more productive than inviting someone else in my life to define me by his standards. And that I can be happy alone. I AM happy alone because I know that, when the time is right, I will find someone who fits into my life, seamlessly, still allowing us to be authentically ourselves. Such a relationship is more meaningful when it evolves from an established friendship; where there’s no pressure for romance; where both people take time to genuinely get to know each other; where a foundation of love and trust provides the security necessary when it’s time for something more.
Lasting relationships don’t happen overnight, nor are they the product of the rushed, frenzied intimacy of the honeymoon period. Sex doesn’t provide a solid foundation for a relationship; friendship (without expectation) does.
So…if it eventually leads to a lasting, loving, healthy relationship, wouldn’t that make the “Friendzone” a more positive place to be?